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Showing posts from April, 2014

Expectations

Dear Svelte,

I wanted to tell you how hard it is to write to you these days. Work in the office drains my mental energy and it becomes bliss when I get home and practically do nothing or do some things that will not require much thought. Writing remains to be a mental exercise, right? These past days have been calm and cooling despite the summer's sun. I had some time in Bali with some of the beautiful people I have known. It was light, refreshing, and enjoyable vacation and Bali is a nice place to explore. Though I have yet to explore it more given our time's constraint. 
As soon as the first office week after the vacation came, meetings had been non-stop. You also need to rest after your vacation, right? Take time to recollect some thoughts. I had spent a good amount of time thinking about myself in Bali. I have yet to sort them out somehow but with all the work stuff that is piling up, it may take time again. But I am glad that I got the chance. It is a soulful trip.  
And …

Texture

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Difference

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Looking at my student record, it pains me to know this long road has not reached its destination. I feel disappointed. The longer I stay in this track, the bigger this doubt is becoming. I hate doubt. It is counterproductive. It breaks the Spirit, sometimes. This thing has taken long enough and I feel like I am this ship captain and I am seeing this port but it is low tide and I have to wait because I do not want to swim or I do not want to use the small boat because as a captain, I need this ship to be docked in that port, no more, no less. Fascinating and disappointing at the same time.

What do I do? I have to face the music. It has always been a choice, said a friend. We live in this 'Choice' world as if we do not have a choice. There is nothing I can do but to continue forward. I worry I have grown uninspired and I hate sometimes this feeling. Befriend the monster, whoever and whatever monster it is, said another friend. It will help you get by. Talk to them and make good…

On Writing Again.

I remember college, walking past the University hospital, on my way to an afternoon class, I felt a sort of an 'epiphany'. I cannot recall the details. The memory of mood is clear. I was praying to the Divine. My mind and heart were in unison. My pathways blurred. Faces nonchalant. I was actually praying if he could make me not be a best writer but become a really good one. I asked him if he could help me to become a good communicator. I asked him if he could just let me write crystal clear. The clearest of words in the sunlight. It may be difficult since I always associate writing as a crusade. It is not going to be a magic carpet ride for me but a struggle. A struggle to find words and meanings at the same time. A struggle to find a needle in the haystack. At one time, I feared. But the fear keeps me alive and I have liked it. The moment you struggle to look for words (of course, there's always the thesaurus) or start a sentence and there is a deadline coming, it is kin…