Mar 29, 2019

First Quarter Review 2019

It's the last saturday of March and end of first quarter 2019. Dumaan lang ang first three months of 2019. So fast. And I need a little retrospection on what transpired in the last three months. To give me a bit of perspective ahead.

1. Napagod ako this first quarter. Mentally /emotional tiring. Financially draining din. Birthday month ko ng February pero yung plano ko na magretreat sa Siquijor na move to an unknown date. I organized an event this March and I did at least 95% of the whole work. Naitawid ko naman pero sa totoo lang, it could get tiring. All of a sudden, nagpapatong na mga trabaho ko at mabilis akong madistract lately. Yung office mate ko sa Seoul kailangan pa namin mag skype para lang chumika about the workload and the stress the work is bringing. I am feeling the effects now.  Need to recharge and go elsewhere but my lazy mind tells me to stay put and just go out and have coffee and meet up your friends.

2. Family. Dami ding ganap lately sa family. Mga usaping inheritance, mga coordination, mga cousins na nagpaparamdam na  makikishare daw sa property. As if naman ang laki ng property! Mga bayarin na naka charge 50% sa akin.  Mga 'debate' sa chat group. Mahabang istorya. Napa pray na lang ako kay Papa and I asked him for some answers. I also learned some sad stories of him relative to his properties.  I must say that being the eldest takes crucial leadership by default. Ngayon ko lang na realize conservative pa rin ang set-up ng family namin. Pinapasa sa akin ang mga crucial decisions. I think I need to have a more proactive role na rin. Even when it means I have to pay up for more for these things. Sige lang. Feeling ko naman isa ito sa mga mission ko.

3. Still feeling the birthday 'blues'. Had an intense conversation with the my bff last night about this  'It's ok, I am beginning to accept that I am ok right here, right now' stuff. This need to affirm, this need to be heard, the need to accomplish more, the need to do more. All these unwanted 'needs', these preoccupations, that may turn out to be distractions, when being handled too much. These moments of self-doubts. My wayward passions and my 'di-ko-na alam-kung-anong-ipinaglalaban-kong' career.

Along the way you meet people who remind you of your youth, and they disrupt you. They remind you who you were and sometimes, it makes you feel 'what have I been doing all along'. It's not even comparison, it's deeper than that. It is not about a 'just-do-it' attitude. It is even deeper. When you're nearing 40's, it becomes clearer and at some point, you have to Decide. Decide that it is ok with what you have and work from there. Still keeping the Faith. Still trusting the process.

4.  And I still do Believe. I still Feel It. I still I have it. The Desire. The Will. I wish for more textures. The success and the failures, the completion and unfinished work. I still feel the rigor and vigor. Into this weaving. I still feel not only the spark but the flame. Not just the perseverance but the grit, I still feel it. Not just the push but the pull. The struggle, I still feel it and I love it. I still have the capacity to believe. And I think that's enough for now.

Feb 10, 2019

Valentine's Post



Okay, This is my Valentine’s post. Well, I won’t talk about romantic love. Sawa na ako sa mga ‘Bakit Wala Pa Akong Jowa’ Moments. Nandiyan lang yan. Lol. Spell Confidence. 

Instead, this post is all about Self-Love. As Manay Whitney would say, ‘Learning to love your self is the greatest love of all’. And when one speak of self-love, there is self-care. 

To my mind, kailan ko ng i launch ang radical at malawakang pagkabog ng aking Self-Care Project. I think of listing down things and activities that I want to nurture as habit-forming that will lead to my effective outcome for my self-care project. 

Though alam ko naman na ginagawa ko na rin naman ito, but i want to be more conscious and enjoy the process. Una, bakit ko ba ginagawa ko ito? I just need some reinforcement. Moreover, para na rin sa mental health ko. Sabi ko nga, there are moments of dark spells and one should be resilient about them. By having these self-imposed self-care tips, I can get past it or more so, altogether prevent dark spell moments or simply, prevent having a bad day. 

1.) 7-8 hours of ‘quality’ sleep. Pag maganda gising mo, maganda ang araw mo. Believe me, guaranteed yan. I believe na kailan mong magconserve ng enough energy before you face the new day. It's because hindi ka na bata. Pangalawa, pampa rejuvenate din ito ng cells. 

Lately, 5-6 hours lang ang tulog ko. Though wala naman kaso kase ang assumption mo naman is you know your body well, at kung kuntento ka naman na ganyan lang ang oras ng iyong pagtulog. But I feel na puwede mo siya iextend? Minsan kase matutulog ka na lang, mag cecellphone ka pa, so it disrupts the momentum. Gusto ko sana yung mga moments na libro na lang or journal ang binabasa ko to cap off the night;

2.) Have a good breakfast. I can bear without having a good lunch but I cannot bear having at least a decent breakfast with coffee. May mali yata pag puro hotdog sandwich na lang ang kinakain ko for breakfast. I need to have a good filler. I have to make a conscious effort to spend at least a good amount of time for breakfast even when you know the world around you is speeding up for the day.

3. ) Carry light. Hindi ko ito maperfect. Parang dala ko ang daigdig. Dala dala ko pa rin ang laptop, mga notebooks, payong, at kung ano ano pa. Konti na lang itatanong ko na sa mga laman ng bag ko, ‘Do you still spark joy?’. I have to carry light so it can be easy for me to move around the city. For one, I do not have a car. At kung usapang self-care, i need to carry light at baka pa ako magka osteoporosis.

4.) Wellness. Need to devote wellness. Name it, Must have it! Charlot. Spa, parlor, my bloody facial and my favorite foot reflexology massage, among many. Hindi kase consistent mga suki ko. Like yung isang massage branch, ok na sana pero bakit noong pagpunta ko last time ang nenega ng mga masseuses nila at ang iingay, sa reception area pa yan. And worse, I had to wait for one hour for my masseur despite my confirmed appointment. So, Walk Out. Naremember ko naman si nega masseuse, nakakatrigger yung tomboy na yun! Panira ng moment. My point is you have to spend time in quality places. It is a good investment. It takes a skill to get the best deal for your wellness.

5. Social media detox. I need to stop wasting too much time in social media. Eveything, from FB, Instagram to Youtube and to any random reads. Would you believe my current favorite pastime now is watching marble race? I could spend hours just by watching it! Di ko alam kung ano ang nangyari. Char. The challenge is to limit my time and spend more time offsite and spend more productively. Face-to-face, In the moment. It won't hurt if you post every once in a while.

6. Fitness. Nakailang beses na ako sa kakasabi ng Fitness. Para na akong sirang plaka. Waley naman yung gymnasium sa kanto. Hindi na nasundan. Nasulit ko naman yung one-month subscription at zumba. Mas gusto ko sporty activities. Do not forget to buy a good shoes for the sole.

7. My Closet. Need to update it. All I see are beige! For someone who hates shopping clothes (yes, mga mars, I lack this talent), I need an effort to be conscious in this category. Sabi ko ang sarap sigurong maging babae with all the seremonya to dress oneself, pero wala talaga akong tiyagang mag ayos, naturingan bading pa naman. Char. Now, I think of more color, coats, shoes, and colored panties.

8. Self-love is about gratitude. So please be generous in saying sincere thank you to others, in each step of the way. And saying thank you by treating yourself as well. A thank you and a smile can go a long way. 
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