Gift of Persistence. I do wish for it. It comes with the gift of patience, hardwork. I miss the struggle. I long for the endurance. Ewan ko nawala sa akin yung konsepto na may mga bagay na dapat pinaghihirapan. It is almost like Life has been easy for me. I’d rather call this a false pretense. It is not about wanting hardship and misfortune please. But for the longest time, I think I have just been doing the bare minimum of just about everything and yes, I get by. Most of aspirations are just that, aspirations. My wish is persistence on things that matter to me. To never forget there is no substitute of hard work. Persistence on both small and big tasks. Persistence on being kind, on loving and chasing dreams and making them into reality. To simply not give up.
Gift of Joy. The kind of joy that is hopeful. The kind of joy that expects. They say expectations will lead to frustrations. It is not always the case. I need a life of great expectations. A life with no expectations is a mortal sin. The last thing I need is to become a roboti in perspectives. Konting Sense of Agency naman po diyan. ‘Fortune enters by merry gate’. I wish for Joy in every small and big things I do. It makes the load a little less of a burden. It makes the struggle more memorable. It makes success more fulfilling and failure more accepting.
Gift of Reinvention. I need Madonna, lol. Yes, Matanda na tayo pero hindi ibig sabihin tutunganga na lang. Reinvention means I can be a diplomat now and in the next few years, I manage a laundry shop. Like who cares about me being a diplomat to a laundry shop owner! even the Care Bears don’t care! You know who cares? It’s Madonna, lol. Because I reinvent myself and this is what human evolution means. It is about change. It is about balance between change and stability. Small steps can mean a lot. The reason why I say this is because there are phases in life that you are compelled to enable yourself to transform. The last thing I want to become is to become useless and obsolete to my community. Reinvention means changing small aspects to make whole.
Gift of Design. Feeling ko artist talaga ako in my past life. Maybe a lounge singer or a vaudeville star. Anyways, ang point ko lang naman is yes, I am losing my grip of my creative self. Gisingin ang natutulog na Ang Kiukok! Gisingin ang Ella Fitzgerald in me! Or kahit si Chin Chin Gutierrez na kumakausap ng langgam. Char. I miss my creative self. Yung tipong umaattend ng theater shows. Yung nakikinig ng mga literary shows and book launching. Yung nakikipagusap sa kapwa artist (kapwa artist, haha). Kahit nga umattend ng cooking class. On a serious note, mas maganda kung may art ang buhay mo. It has been missing a lot in me. Dala na rin ng pagkatamad. I miss the function of design. What I mean design as an art, it is the flair, the art of daily living, the art of cleaning, the art of execution, the self expression. I sadly miss it.
Gift of Order in everything in between. A gift of sequence. A gift of focus. This time I am in planet A. After 10 seconds I am in planet B. Sometimes, I am everything everywhere in between. Tanggap ko naman na. I do get tired with all the chaos and trying new things. I need a pause. I need to immerse. I need to stop trying new things for trying’s sake. How I wish I can just be more comfortable with chaos. But we need to outgrow our young self and put all things in perspectives. Wise up and give up. I just miss the feeling of just applying everything I know and love.
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