How has the new year been? January is for some reflection. It extends until February because of my birth month. And there are work, catch up with friends in between. Ang dami ding kalat na dapat ayusin that they are calling me! I realize I have a 'lot of stuff', small stuff. Who needs a fabric freshener and a knee support?!, pakshet.
The thing with me is I am more of utilitarian(?) when I buy stuff. Kailangan talaga gamitin at gamitin agad, ubusin, maluma at pag di na magamit, say a little prayer :), then itapon (may mga exceptions like...books). Sa madaling salita, di ko siya ginagamit! It is just madaming kalat. I have almost a week's worth of holiday to at significantly reduce all these kalat, to organize, gamitin, idispense what is not bringing me joy, at ubusin at itapon.
How has the new year been? I have been thinking a lot. Birthday blues. The tendency for me is to alienate though. Just having a routine and doom scroll. We have our seasons and winter time is one of those that the self overthinks and hibernates at the same time. Minsan mindset lang naman yan. Minsan you just feel the lethargy and let it flow.
This week, I dreamt of Papa. I was hugging him. I said I will be back home by June this year. June because that is my first planned vacation. Hindi ko kasi nabisita baka nagtampo. hehe. More than that, it is a sign. It is a sign to go to back to my core, return to my center. Nalilihis na ako. There is so much things on my plate at bawasan na din naman.
Reprioritize and take care of myself. Sometimes I fulfil so many small parts that I feel disconnected and I lose the big picture. I am losing the big picture. Last time, I felt I had been mocking myself for no reason. I felt I have not been taking care of myself seriously. Sometimes, I feel nagmamadali for no reason. Attention deficit. And it just saddened me for a fact that why do I do it? And that is the time I have become more vulnerable. Why? I also do not know. It's either I am bored with my life or there is just this chronic dissatisfaction that I need to heal. But what I know is I am trying my best to live a sense of purpose. And what is clear is I need to reduce things on my plate to clear out my head and not lose the big picture. What to let go- what's not working, what's not giving me joy, the temporary joys that do not contribute to the big picture.
The Plan. This year, there has to be consistency and routine. Marami ding mga friends na bibisita sa akin. It will be fun and memorable. Before they come in, makapagresearch na nga din ng mga bago dito City. Sabi ko sa officemate ko, ano ang plano mo this year? sabi ko gusto ko matutong magluto, mga domestic hacks (like seriously hindi ko alam ang concept ng circuit breaker ano ho), mga upskilling and reskilling (kung kailangan maggantsilyo at buhayin ang plant tita levels), mag self publish, buhayin ang natutulog na career, mga ganoong levels. Siya naman daw gusto niya iacquire na yung EU citizenship niya. O di ba? Nahiya naman tayo sa mga goals natin, haha. I do have some big plans - start renovating the family house (maglagay ng Buddha garden (na ayaw ni Mama dahil ibang god daw si Buddha, sabi ko hindi siya god (sa next blog na to, haha), travel with my fam, magipon dahil maglilipat na ako ng residence (at malaki na), magtravel for food (concept travel, here I come), mag self publish with bongang bongang pseudonym (try ko ito) at magbenta ng St. Peter! (yes, agent na po ako, haha)
On a serious note, maganda din naman na there is something to look forward to. Isn't it divine that we are capable to look forward to something, to hope?
The Plan. Less distraction and just get things done and document my events. Marami tayong selfies this year. Eme. I will be kinder to myself. I will.
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