May 20, 2018

Muni Munis of the Days.

1. Gosh, first time to write since February. Yes, I have been quite busy. Mostly work and catching up with friends. Minsan, naiisip ko pa rin ano kaya kung andoon pa rin ako sa Seoul. Marami din akong nasacrifice. Una, yung steady income ko. Pangalawa, yung convenience. Then I would think all the reasons why I left despite all the good things back there. Then I would feel better. I feel good because I know it is empowering, and it is going to be ok. I feel good because I am here and learning and growing and struggling. I love the struggle here. Ayoko naman magsalita ng tapos. Who knows I will fly out again, sooner than later. The Universe always finds ways to surprise you. Parang BDO. Char.

2. Ibang level ang summer weather lately. It's not just hot but it's so damn hot. Dagdag mo pa yung room ko na medyo kulob. A week ago, I couldn't take it anymore. Walang effect ang electric fan and it was not doing me any good. So I rushed to the mall and bought an aircon. Since walang provision ang room for window type aircon, I bought the split type, used my charm to have it installed in pronto and in less than 24 hrs, I was spending my first cool Saturday night.

To be fair, lamigin ako so I just need a level of  cool temperature to be sane enough to do other work in my room. In fact, as of this writing, I only put it in a fan mode. Good luck on my utility bill. Well, they say I bought an inverter type so it won't charge as much electricity daw than the ordinary aircon. The last thing I need nowadays is to scrimp while depriving myself with the comfort that aircon can bring.

3. Bakit ang ganda ganda ng 'Kathang Isip' ng Ben & Ben. LSS levels. Tumatagos sa puso ko ang lungkot.

4. It dawns on me. By the time I think about my life in retrospect, it will be a pity if I only remember - if not most of them - bittersweet memories! And I do not think I will like it. Maybe it goes with a new level of maturity. When you were younger, you were shaken, insecure and vulnerable to all the nega vibes that you cannot get. But a good wine comes with age. When you become mature, you face this uncharted road with confidence, faith, and a better resolve. You stop comparing, you stop wandering all the what ifs and you begin to 'just be'. It does not even matter if you fail or not. You smile at the world, in each day you toil, in each day you make things happen. And that's it.

Told a good friend that I am still in the 'healing, recovery process' from my Korea experience. Some days, bitter memories linger. I still feel the discomfort when I narrate about them. If only I can turn back time, I wouln't go there. It's like I want to put the memories into oblivion. But I think that's very childish way of putting it. I know it won't help me in the long run. There was so much to be thankful for. And I overlooked all of these. I cannot afford to look back at my life with this notion. I have been coming to terms. In due time, I may have the full courage to embrace this chapter of my life.

Meanwhile, let's rekindle good memories and let's make some.


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