Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Preparation


This sinking feeling that I must bear. It all reveals before me. Now I feel I am relocating and really relocating to the new city! All paperworks have been finished and I have never been prouder to do so much in a week’s time - commuting from place to place, getting all documents stamped, paying government fees that I still feel I am shortchanged. It gets tiring particularly on the queuing part. I also learned a lot in my eavesdropping on our fellow overseas Filipino workers. 

Then, the new office told me if I have a ticket already. I thought they would be the one to buy it for me. And there was the misunderstanding part. They said they would reimburse the ticket. As far as I am concern, I was not thoroughly informed. Instead of making an issue about it, I hurried to book the most favorable date. At the very least, I can balance the time between send offs with my family and friends, and the packing, and the time I immerse into the new place. But then again I said to myself, I will definitely have lots of time to immerse myself in the new city. So, my priority is more time at home. 


I got a lifeline last night. I just needed to vent. The preparation is the hardest part, I must tell. I try to water it down. But I need to be ‘excited’ in order to put all things in perspective. What is this telling me - all this reluctance? I have acquired the strange habit of doubts. It must have taken toll on me. But I have the faith to keep things in order and easy. It has been a mixed feeling after all.


As I arrived late in my apartment, with all the mess - the books on the floor, the unwashed plates, some photos hanging on wall, and the small ‘bubwit’ that I noticed and frowned upon - I saw my life before me. All the mess that needs to be arranged. And this constant craving for the need of all this mess to put things in proper place. 

I just felt sleepy and turned off the lights and resolved to 'plan' on it the next day. Always like that. Some may call it procrastination. I wish I could be more methodical. 

I close my eyes and give thanks for a productive day. That can make a lot of difference for now. 

Sunday, January 03, 2016

Aura Goals 2016

Paulit ulit na lang. There are chances na ang mga isusulat kong mga 2016 Resolutions ay more or less the same nung mga ibang past year's resolutions. 'Work in progress' lang naman yan! Improved formula, parang bagong Tide detergent. Siyempre, feeling ko naman may bago akong isusulat. Kaya heto. 

Tulog Pa More. I am reminded that one of last year's personal goals is to get an average 7-8 eight hours of sleep everyday. Sa totoo lang hindi ko ito naachieve, kahit ilang beses na akong nagtry. Nag average 5-6 hours lang ako last year. Iba talaga ang feeling pag may sapat kang tulog. Una, makakaisip ka ng matino at kahit papaano light ang feeling mo kahit stressed ka! Pangalawa, pampaganda daw talaga ito, according to Science. 

Basa Pa More. Sa totoo lang, sa linya ng trabaho ko, marami naman talaga akong binabasa. Mga government technical reports, kung ano anong frameworks!, mga libro on urbanization, mga batas, mga good practices, yung iba mga hindi ko maintindihan, maka basa lang. Char. Marami naman talaga siya and I must because I am a professional. 

Siguro ang nawala sa akin ay yung Feeling ng Leisure Reading. Yung talagang babad ka sa binabasa mo bukod doon sa mga work-related stuff. Yung kailangan ko talaga siyang ma- imbibe at kung puwede nga mag highlight at mag bookmark! Na miss ko yung feeling habang binabasa ko yung Hiroshima ni John Hersey and Cold Blood ni Truman Capote. Na miss ko yung Feeling habang binabasa ko yung Days of Disquiet, Nights of Rage ni Jose Lacaba. Yung Sociological Imagination ni C. Wright Mills. Yung mga Tikim articles ni Doreen Fernandez. I just need to reclaim the habit of reading.

Write Pa More. Ito paulit ulit. Hindi naman ako magsasawa dito dahil ito talaga ang isa sa mga talento ko. Gusto ko magsulat ng mga makabuluhang bagay. And not to mention, To Write Well! Kung ano mang mga topic, dapat in line sa interest ko and since non-fiction and sociology ang mga interests ko, dapat factual at hindi lang anecdotes. I need to be published sa mga bonggang peer journals, magazines, and online. Mga ganyang level. I can start sa blog ko so I can practice my writing more. 

Frugal Pa More. Gusto kong taasan ang level ng ascetism ko. To be fair, hindi naman ako highly consumerist. Bisyo ko lang talaga kumain, mga libro, mga pang taxi, pang Uber, mga panaka nakang bigay ng baon (aka pera) kay mudra at mga kapatid, Take note of that word, 'bigay', haha. Bakit ko naman idedeprive ang sarili ko in the first place sa mga ganito. Siguro taasan ko lang ang level ng mga alternatives ko. Like puwede naman Mami kaysa Ramen, Fx kaysa taxi, 3 in 1 kesa Starbucks. Mga ganoong level. Sana. Feelin ko malabo. Haha.  

Music Pa More. Ito ang nawala sa akin. There were years when I could indulge music and could organize music files at medyo naging favorite past time ko talaga siya. Well, Justin Bieber's album is good. Thanks to Spotify. At sana mamemorize ko na ang mga lyrics ng mga gusto kong kinakanta. 

Campaign. Sa totoo lang. Ayoko sana eh. Pero pag nababasa ko yung mga argumento ng iba sa social media, yung mga baseless, o yung mga outdated claims, yung mga 'privileging', yung mga masyadong reductionist, yung nag ooversimplify ng mga pananaw na parang ang pagpili ng political leaders ay para lang pagbili ng suka sa kanto, yung maka Mura lang, kailangan kong mag contribute sa 'diskurso'. Para lang siguro maenlightened. Hindi lang sa social media pati na rin sa araw araw na chika. Sayang naman ng binabayad na taxes ko kung mga hindi ko feel ang nasa posisyon. Masaya ang eleksyon ngayong taon. Pero sana Mas Makabuluhan. 

Domesticity.  Ang ibig sabihin lang nito, improve ko lang mga household chores, kailangan ko i practice yung mga art of folding, ironing, recycling, cooking, organizing, packing, at mga art of removing stains na yan. Ito talaga ang stressors ko, paano maglinis at magmaintain ng apartment! I need to prepare. Lalo na at ako ay luluwas. Mag May I channel Martha Stewart na ako as early as possible. Ihanda na ang Pintest for more inspiration.

Be Flexible. Hindi biro ang mangibang bayan and you have to prepare. Feeling ko nafefeel ko ang pagiging OFW (at least sa mga requirements). Hindi biro dahil una, hindi naman ako turista doon. At ayoko naman na opisina-bahay lang ako at mag lock sa apartment at mag FB lang. Ayoko sanang i-sensationalize ang mga preparations ko pati yung mga lungkot lungkutan dahil ayokong unahan ng kaba. Mixed feelings din kase. Minsan pumapaibabaw yung excitement. Minsan andoon yung uncertainty. Until now kahit alam kong 'pera' na lang kailangan ko, haha, hindi pa rin masyadong nagsisink in. 

So for this 2016, 'Tiwala lang' ang peg. Mahirap makipag argue masyado kay Father Time. Trust the process. Embrace the changes. Malay mo andoon na si Mr. Right. Open lang ang heart and legs. Ayoko na ng What Ifs! Gusto ko ng Why Not! I-Aura ko na lang ito. Diligent naman akong estudyante ng buhay. Naks. Sparkle lang. Parang champagne lang. Parang chandelier.

Thank you 2017.

Few days left of 2017. Where have all the time gone? Since I have a forgetful memory, I look back at my Instagram and rekindle the fondest o...