2025, after almost five months

• Puro tayo trabaho, here and there. I feel the threshold. I feel the impatience. But of course, I feel the fulfilment. There are a lot of things on my work-life plate. Anxiety has been a regular visitor. Minsan pag sanay ka na na si anxiety bisita mo, mawawala na rin naman kalaunan. Kaloka. Short of becoming numb. Pero minsan iba pa rin si manay anxiety, mostly being triggered by expectations, tasks, hitsura ng mga nega vibes sa paligid ko or simply random rumination. 
  
  So one time nag brain dump session ako. Linista ko lahat, unfiltered, all things that preoccupy me, non stop. It does not matter kahit yung paghugas ng baso, linista ko na rin. I feel light after. I feel bliss afterwards. After few minutes, I look at the list. Then I prioritize it. Move here and there. I make some deadlines. Kind deadline that is, not rushing. Then I choose three tasks of the day- whatever level of difficulty it has. Kahit magtapon ng basura, isang task na yan for me. Only three. Bonus na ang four. Then I do nothing. Lol. This works for me for some time now. I am just glad that I have grown with this method. Of course hindi naman perfect ang implementation. Nalilihis pa rin naman but I keep on trying and what matters is it is working.  
  
  
• I realized that it has been a year of questions lately. I do not intend to answer them soon. I pray for patience and for every day grounding. One time in my random doomscrolling, I chanced upon this guy who said that everytime he is faced with a lot of questions, he just says Bahala Na. Nagkaroon ako tuloy ng epiphany. It has been sometime that I heard this phrase again. It strikes me that this is a powerful and organic framing for me. I know may mga negative connotation din ang Bahala Na. But on the other hand this is a tool that will help you get through. I promise to use Bahala Na in a more positive way, in a more empowering way. Bahala Na that lets you give space for the Universe to work its magic. Bahala Na that lets you do what is good and diligent enough and let the Universe work its part. Alam ko marami na naman tayong tanong, let's work it out one by one, pero Bahala Na si Batman, kumbaga.
  
  
• So what do I do now? I do not know. I will take a step at a time. Perhaps less expectations na rin sa mga tao. My social life here is kind of dwindling. For example, mahirap na rin kitain mga kaibigan ko dito sa Seoul. Lumalabnaw na rin ang mga pagkikita. Pahirapan pa sa mga yayaan. Hindi pa magtugma sa schedule. Tama nga ang sinabi na successful friendships also depend on what life stages you and your friends are. Rare chance na magkaroon ka ng friend na papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na siya. Either you share interests or mag effort talaga kayo. Mga Titas of Seoul, iba't iba na rin ang mga issues and I cannot relate and sometimes, bad vibes na rin. I remain open. What matters for now is I remain open. In one of my lonely moments here, I told myself, 'I guess you are on your own now'. It is lonely and I recognize it. Well, Bahala Na si Batman.  

Bazi Reading Lectures by Chat GPT. For Keeps.

• Energy management - purposeful breaks, optimize energy level, and limit digital exposure! 
• Track execution not only ideas. Start your visibility now but quietly. No loud marketing. 
• Reposition your expertise, refine your focus, and take calculated actions
• Stop chasing New Starts. Elevate your current experience!
• Career- Where in your industry are there gaps that you can fill? 
• Transition is an upgrade not a failure. 
• You thrive when being selective about your inputs (in short, choose your effort na). External information distracts/ destabilizes you easily. 
• Consistent, gentle actions beat dramatic moves. Small, steady progress rather than all or nothing energy. 
• You absorb other's energy easily. 
• Success is in consistent small wise steps not sudden storms. Nourish your energy and build ground up patiently. 
• To build more Earth, speak slower, pause before responding in conversations, slowing speech centers your mind.
• To balance Metal, declutter one thing per day. No massive decluttering. Allow 20% open space in your daily plans. 
• Need to Build More Earth - grounding, slowing, eating warm foods, and gentle movements. 
• Need to Balance Metal - decluttering slowly, soft routines, breathe space into your discipline.
• Small visibility acts that are consistent and confident. Quite confidence rather than loud marketing.
• Charm magnetism when grounded and intentional. Posture that is shoulder down and core engaged. Walk slower with intention. Clean look becoming magnetic. Whisper in style. 
•  Energy is most expressive, optimum from late morning to mid afternoon. Schedule important conversations, presentations, networking
• Evenings - low key charms, inner work, and 1:1 connection
• Break tasks into weekly sprints. 80% ready is enough, do not wait for perfection. More output means more leverage. 
• Recognition lag -> document wins and communicate your contributions
• Extra patience to yourself. Do not rush/ act without processing the inner flow. 
• Self-core reflections rather than overloading oneself. 
• Three key tasks per day not a huge to do list. Slow, steady wins
• To improve Earth energy, stability over excitement. To improve Metal energy, precision over rush. Small daily wins over big moves.  
• Reinforce grounding over fluctuating emotions. Stick to routines to two-three habits/ tasks a day. Nourishment, rest, and clean space. Quie power in style, poise, and language. 
• Do not based on urge to do more. One main project per week. Three priorities per day. 
• Era of small wins and consistency. Concrete, repeatable actions that strengthen grounding, charm, productivity, and emotional resilience. 
• Energy glow guide - Short, elegant piece weekly, 500-700 words weekly. Charm boosting habits. Quiet magnetism.
• Deepen family/ foundation based actions. Charmed routine, tidying, and self care. 
• Silent influence. Avoid overperforming. Quiet Confidence. 

2025

How has the new year been? January is for some reflection. It extends until February because of my birth month. And there are work, catch up with friends in between. Ang dami ding kalat na dapat ayusin that they are calling me! I realize I have a 'lot of stuff', small stuff. Who needs a fabric freshener and a knee support?!, pakshet. 

The thing with me is I am more of utilitarian(?) when I buy stuff. Kailangan talaga gamitin at gamitin agad, ubusin, maluma at pag di na magamit, say a little prayer :), then itapon (may mga exceptions like...books). Sa madaling salita, di ko siya ginagamit! It is just madaming kalat. I have almost a week's worth of holiday to at significantly reduce all these kalat, to organize, gamitin, idispense what is not bringing me joy, at ubusin at itapon. 

How has the new year been?  I have been thinking a lot. Birthday blues. The tendency for me is to alienate though. Just having a routine and doom scroll. We have our seasons and winter time is one of those that the self overthinks and hibernates at the same time. Minsan mindset lang naman yan. Minsan you just feel the lethargy and let it flow. 

This week, I dreamt of Papa. I was hugging him. I said I will be back home by June this year. June because that is my first planned vacation. Hindi ko kasi nabisita baka nagtampo. hehe. More than that, it is a sign. It is a sign to go to back to my core, return to my center. Nalilihis na ako. There is so much things on my plate at bawasan na din naman. 

Reprioritize and take care of myself. Sometimes I fulfil so many small parts that I feel disconnected and I lose the big picture. I am losing the big picture. Last time, I felt I had been mocking myself for no reason. I felt I have not been taking care of myself seriously. Sometimes, I feel nagmamadali for no reason. Attention deficit. And it just saddened me for a fact that why do I do it? And that is the time I have become more vulnerable. Why? I also do not know. It's either I am bored with my life or there is just this chronic dissatisfaction that I need to heal. But what I know is I am trying my best to live a sense of purpose. And what is clear is I need to reduce things on my plate to clear out my head and not lose the big picture. What to let go- what's not working, what's not giving me joy, the temporary joys that do not contribute to the big picture. 

The Plan. This year, there has to be consistency and routine. Marami ding mga friends na bibisita sa akin. It will be fun and memorable. Before they come in, makapagresearch na nga din ng mga bago dito City. Sabi ko sa officemate ko, ano ang plano mo this year? sabi ko gusto ko matutong magluto, mga domestic hacks (like seriously hindi ko alam ang concept ng circuit breaker ano ho), mga upskilling and reskilling (kung kailangan maggantsilyo at buhayin ang plant tita levels), mag self publish, buhayin ang natutulog na career, mga ganoong levels. Siya naman daw gusto niya iacquire na yung EU citizenship niya. O di ba? Nahiya naman tayo sa mga goals natin, haha. I do have some big plans - start renovating the family house (maglagay ng Buddha garden (na ayaw ni Mama dahil ibang god daw si Buddha, sabi ko hindi siya god (sa next blog na to, haha), travel with my fam, magipon dahil maglilipat na ako ng residence (at malaki na), magtravel for food (concept travel, here I come), mag self publish with bongang bongang pseudonym (try ko ito) at magbenta ng St. Peter! (yes, agent na po ako, haha) 

On a serious note, maganda din naman na there is something to look forward to. Isn't it divine that we are capable to look forward to something, to hope?

The Plan. Less distraction and just get things done and document my events. Marami tayong selfies this year. Eme. I will be kinder to myself. I will.

Some 2024 YearEnder Feels.

Hindi pa tapos ang taon pero gusto ko na magsara ng tindahan. Besides, wala naman tayong standard na sinusunod. I will be meeting a friend later na malapit sa office, so andito tayo sa office on a weekend, all by myself. Gusto ko magorganize ng mga documents, magshred ng mga papel, at magmoment lang sa desk ko amid the silence.

 So how has it been 2024 for me? Siyempre madaming feels. Isa isahin natin.

No. 1. It is the year na feel ko na bumagsak talaga ang katawan ko. Nag age ang aking katawang lupa. Nagka hypertension. May maintenance na. Ubo ng ubo. Mabilis ang mood swings. Feeling ko ang bagal ko ng kumilos. Mas lumabo ang mata. Dumami ang wrinkles. And in summary, tumanda talaga ako, sa isip, diwa at sa gawa eme. 

Menopause na ba ito? (Andropause mih eme). So here we are nagpapakahealthy. Move and jog and yoga as much as I can. Kape once a day na lang or none at all. Ubusin muna natin yung mga kahon na mga tsaa na binigay sa atin na ayoko naman itapon na lang. And equally important, also my emotional and menal states, I feel the ‘lie low’. Mas gusto ko na sa bahay muna ako as much as possible at least one full day on a weekend. Ok na sa akin ang walking around the neighborhood or yung mga 15 minutes away from  my residence lang ang drama kung gusto kong lumabas. 

No. 2. Emotions had taken me over, sabi nga ni Bee Gees and ni manay Beyonce. Mabilis tayong mainis at naging impatient sa mga bagay bagay. And yes, nagsusungit  minsan especially when I am alone na may mga moments na, ‘Ganito na ba talaga ito?’. Do not get me wrong, it was not directed to any person. But more on a generalized conditions. There is the impatience, chronic pagkayamot, or just plain uninterested. It makes me sad. Why? Because hindi ko mafigure out. This year, umiyak tayo sa boss natin ng dahil sa allowance. Sabi ng boss ko na may malaking dahilan bakit ako umiyak at yan ay pagod sa trabaho at hindi sa allowance. Pag binalikan ko tuloy, nagmukha tayong irrational, and yes, napagod tayo sa trabaho on a deeper level and to think second quarter pa lang yun. I actually think of going back to counseling again this winter to keep me at bay. 

No. 3. Lumabnaw ang social circles. Naging busy ang mga tao. Kanya kanyang priorities muna. Here, mga tita friends ko, instead of magkape at mag lunch out altogether on a routine basis, sari sarili munang schedule. Yung pinaka leader ate atehan namin, nagtayo na ng tindahan kaya hindi na siya mahatak anytime. On the other hand, something to look forward to kase tambayan kahit medyo effort pag punta. Narealize ko kailangan na natin iactivate ang pagiging Miss Friendship natin besides natural naman tayong Miss Friendship. In a genuine way ha yung hindi naman pilit. Yes, I felt alone and got bored. 

No. 4. Money. Medyo hindi natin na manage ang budget. Wala naman tayong loan for this year. Hindi naman tayo negative. But more on the spend as it tayo for today’s vidyow. Nothing wrong with that and empowering naman siya. I just feel like would have been better if I have a little bit more money at nagagamit ko talaga mga purchases ko ng maayos. Minsan kase tapon lang or matagal bago gamitin. Yung social security natin isang taon ng walang hulog. 

Sabi ko naachieve ko na yata ang materiality level ko sa lagay na ito. I may not have my own home. I won’t have a car. I will just inherit my family’s properties. I do not even have a watch. And it’s fine! haha. So, Lord, ibigay mo na lang sa akin ang comfortable and fulfilling life at iupgrade natin ito step by step with a little bit more money on board. 

No. 5. Most of the time I am just busy doing Life and that’s how it is. I need to consolidate, to work and use what’s available around me and celebrate. This year, I have lost focus on bigger things. And it’s been flat. Much as it is fine and ‘routine’ pero need naman natin mag look forward at iwork out and mag take risks on some of the things we hold dear. Yung mga pangmalakasang life projects natin, concept pa rin. Yes, I realize that we think we have time pero actually we have less time. Ang bilis bilis na ng oras for me. Maglinis lang ng banyo, inaabot na ako ng siyam siyam. 

No. 6. In 2024, namiss ko yung pagka bakla in the most meaningful way possible, yung konting paandar. Eh natural naman tayong taglay na magpaandar haha. I think it will be a little less boring and more exciting for me if i can add a little more flair to my Bridget Jones' Life. So, here’s to again to the flair, perseverance and zest hereon and beyond because I feel that’s the way it is.  

When lost, there is the evergreen pep talk with Caroline Myss

'Choices are powerful. And that's the reason why we're stuck, we're terrified of its consequences, we're terrified because we're going to be held accountable' and that is why we cannot choose. So here are the choices that can change my Life. 

1. A decision to make an integrous life. I am going to live with integrity. Integrity means not just honest to others but honest to oneself. Not going to betray myself. Not going to put myself in a circumstance where I put people to please me. Liars do not heal.  People who blame others do not heal. Being a good person is not enough. Life is a major deal. You have to get the Life Act together. 

2. A decision to pass my wisdom and not suffering. Life is never fair, and that is how the great spiritual traditions have long confirmed! Healing is never about forgetting. Turn the process of healing into source of wisdom and not woe. Wisdom or woe? 

3. A decision to take risk. One will always have a regret stage anyway. How many of our greatest fears have actually happened? How many of our most wonderful things has happened? Do not take the safe path. Do not look back for guidance. Do not look for over to chart New. Be in the Newness. 

4. A decision to choose new words. If you really have to yank a word or two, what would those words be, words that you would not utter yourself again. Words are powerful and they influence energy within and around you.  For me, 'Hate, Blame, Should'. It is not easy but I make progress. 

5. A decision to get up every day and to bless your day. Not based on what you have or what you feel but because you are. Just as you are. Today will never come the same exact way again. Be in the Present Moment and Be thankful just as you are.