2025, after almost five months

• Puro tayo trabaho, here and there. I feel the threshold. I feel the impatience. But of course, I feel the fulfilment. There are a lot of things on my work-life plate. Anxiety has been a regular visitor. Minsan pag sanay ka na na si anxiety bisita mo, mawawala na rin naman kalaunan. Kaloka. Short of becoming numb. Pero minsan iba pa rin si manay anxiety, mostly being triggered by expectations, tasks, hitsura ng mga nega vibes sa paligid ko or simply random rumination. 
  
  So one time nag brain dump session ako. Linista ko lahat, unfiltered, all things that preoccupy me, non stop. It does not matter kahit yung paghugas ng baso, linista ko na rin. I feel light after. I feel bliss afterwards. After few minutes, I look at the list. Then I prioritize it. Move here and there. I make some deadlines. Kind deadline that is, not rushing. Then I choose three tasks of the day- whatever level of difficulty it has. Kahit magtapon ng basura, isang task na yan for me. Only three. Bonus na ang four. Then I do nothing. Lol. This works for me for some time now. I am just glad that I have grown with this method. Of course hindi naman perfect ang implementation. Nalilihis pa rin naman but I keep on trying and what matters is it is working.  
  
  
• I realized that it has been a year of questions lately. I do not intend to answer them soon. I pray for patience and for every day grounding. One time in my random doomscrolling, I chanced upon this guy who said that everytime he is faced with a lot of questions, he just says Bahala Na. Nagkaroon ako tuloy ng epiphany. It has been sometime that I heard this phrase again. It strikes me that this is a powerful and organic framing for me. I know may mga negative connotation din ang Bahala Na. But on the other hand this is a tool that will help you get through. I promise to use Bahala Na in a more positive way, in a more empowering way. Bahala Na that lets you give space for the Universe to work its magic. Bahala Na that lets you do what is good and diligent enough and let the Universe work its part. Alam ko marami na naman tayong tanong, let's work it out one by one, pero Bahala Na si Batman, kumbaga.
  
  
• So what do I do now? I do not know. I will take a step at a time. Perhaps less expectations na rin sa mga tao. My social life here is kind of dwindling. For example, mahirap na rin kitain mga kaibigan ko dito sa Seoul. Lumalabnaw na rin ang mga pagkikita. Pahirapan pa sa mga yayaan. Hindi pa magtugma sa schedule. Tama nga ang sinabi na successful friendships also depend on what life stages you and your friends are. Rare chance na magkaroon ka ng friend na papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na siya. Either you share interests or mag effort talaga kayo. Mga Titas of Seoul, iba't iba na rin ang mga issues and I cannot relate and sometimes, bad vibes na rin. I remain open. What matters for now is I remain open. In one of my lonely moments here, I told myself, 'I guess you are on your own now'. It is lonely and I recognize it. Well, Bahala Na si Batman.