'You think you have the time'

Akala ko marami tayong oras. Back then in my late 20s-early 30s, maraming pinaglalaban, maraming pinagpapaliban. Kase ok lang, dami pa namang time. Dami pa namang energy. But now, I feel 'time is running out'. To be fair, I would like to view this on an optimistic note. It started growing on me when I entered in my 40s. Now, it's three years since the start of my big Four O. I feel I need to take time on what matters. And yes, for most of the time, it's harder than what I think. Maraming moments that led me to reinforce this 'you think you have the time' eme, coinciding with my birthday season.  

Number 1. My boss. She is on a work from home pseudo on leave for six months because her daughter is transitioning to Kinder. Mandated by Korean law eme. Kaya ayahay sa opisina despite all the busyness it can get. Actually my point is grade 1 pa lang ang anak niya at halos late 40s na siya. As I see it, she is actually 'chasing time' with her daughter, spending all the time that she can get because when I estimate it, she is actually way senior by the time her daughter finishes college. Anyhows, she was advised by our No. 1 boss to spend as much time with her daughter because life is really fast and time is everchanging. I feel for her and for the situation. I feel the love and the 'urgency' for it. Actually here, since it is an ageing society, family life starts later in life. Then one child lang per couple, normally. Not that I need family life but in our 40s, this is the part where I say we need to chase time in a healthy balanced way.  

Number 2. Memory forgetting. One of my life project is to make a pangmalakasang life photo album. An improved version from our titas 90s album na di plastic cover. Equally fulfilling is the process of organizing and sorting out photos and bringing back all the memories. I know this takes time and it is a long-term. I cannot do it in one sitting or even in a year or two. It has to be by phases. Ang tagal na nitong project na ito and yes, I make excuses all the time. 

There are many moments of late that I forget things. Small silly moments that matter. For example I mistook the toothpaste as a facial wash. I lost two earbuds. Napaisip ako. Memory loss is part of ageing and set of given na siya and I wont even stress about it. Pero I cannot just simply fade my life moments like that - on the basis na simply nakalimutan ko na. I must hold on to them and cherish them. I know, there is always Facebook and Instagram. Pero iba pa rin yung you take time and choose photos that mean to you. I feel it is really a good exercise every once in a while. In our 40s, this is the part where I say I need to start cherishing time in a healthy balanced way.  

Number 3. There is really no right decision. Decide and work on it to make it right. There is no substitute for hard work. There is no substitute for learning. There is no substitute for diligence. If I want to be a conversationalist Bahasa Indonesia speaker, I cannot just stay in a cafe and listen to Indonesian pop songs lang. I have to make a study plan and evolve from there. If I intend to be a Japanophile for life, hindi ako aasa ng free airfare sa opisina. Instead, I really have to do work on it and deep dive. Because that's how it is. It is the work that you do that makes it right. Kung need kong mag spring cleaning, hindi lang ako bibili ng bagong walis, ako ay magwawalis eme. If I need to be a gold bar collector, I have to learn the trade at magipon for the capital hehe. Actually hindi naman ito sikreto. In our 40s, this is the part where I say working out the time in a healthy balanced way.  

So, yun lang din ang mga reminders for the self for now. Sort of like birthday gift to myself, which I somehow celebrated with the least fanfare. Naisip ko lang how so uneventful yung birthday ko mismo, haha, that I end up promising that I am going to celebrate it the whole year round!