2021 Part 1

My mind killed me in 2021. It did. All my mental and emotional drama. It hit me where it's at. Do not worry. I became productive this year. I think this year has been one of the more productive years. Depression? hmm. I am for certain, it is not. For one, my last two years in Seoul have been way better than my 2016 stay.  But the anxiety, the precarity, the boredom, the struggle, the self anger, the middle life crisis, they could become longer episodes. And this is I think where it is hitting me. 

I have been seeing a counselor for at least seven times since Ber month started. At least twice in a month. It does help. I believe in professional help. I do not believe in 'mag open up ka na lang sa kaibigan mo, pareho lang naman yan kase' when dealing with mental health issues. We have been working towards some goals. I have been working out my emotions. And I must say I am feeling good about it. 

Some highlights.

1. I am accelerating and braking at the same time. What's the rush? I do not know. I am rushing Life as if someone is chasing me. For what? I do not know. Or maybe my long-held expectations for myself. Maybe it is my career. 'Is it really about your career?' Or you are just finding something to blame' The question is Why the rush? Karen Drucker said, 'And I will only go as fast as the slowest part of me feels safe to go'

2. What are your hobbies? And I had the hard time answering it. I miss singing. Too much distraction lately for reading. I miss the zumba lessons. Eating good food is for sure a hobby. I cannot cook. Eating good food is one. Preparing food and washing dishes is another story. Go back to your hobbies and do one thing you like each day. It can be anything. Buy your favorite sweet. Reroute your commuting directions. Update your incense and essential oil. Go to a jimjilbang. It can be anything. 

3. Feelings are feelings. It only takes 15-90 seconds for feelings to pass. What you do at the height of your unecessary feeling is do the grounding principle. Look around you and make a mental list of the colors (some do the 5 things you see, four things you hear, three things you smell, two things you touch, etc) that surround you. Do it until your moment feeling gets tired and flies away. 

Marami pang takeaways. Well for 2022, Must Love Myself ang drama but yes, No More Drama.

For this year, very rare that I got to watch and complete a movie in Netflix. One rare moment is Where'd You Go Bernadette? and Bernadette, played by Cate Blanchett, is brilliant as always. This revelation in conversation with her peer played by Laurence Fishburne is sublime. 'People like you must create unless you like to become a menace to society'. I do not want to become a menace to my society.