I thank

• the universe for giving me another new breathe of life each day. I thank Mother Nature, the trees, the stream na malapit sa neighborhood ko, the parks na easily accessible from my residence. Kanina napansin ko naman yung bundok malapit dito. It is a breather. I thank each day. Kahit maraming agam agam, one can survive. Most of the time, worries are all in one's head. I do not know how I get my daily endurance to wrestle my worries, especially I live alone. And when anxiety attacks, nature heals you. Plus spotify lol. You get by each day. You choose to be 'good enough' each day.  One cannot strive perfection. I think that is what matters for now.
  
  
• ewan ko ba in the past nights, maiingay mga kuliglig sa labas. Wala namang mga puno outside our building. Iniisip ko na lang maybe maraming nakasiksik sa mga concrete blocks within our neighborhood. My point it is like a silent kuliglig night in the province and the sound gives me the sense of comfort. I look forward to it each nighttime. 

• I thank my job. It gives food on the table. And more importantly, konting kembot na lang matatapos ko na ang utang ko. By the time I finish my contract, I am done with my debt as well. Yes, I thank my job for allowing me to pay my debt that is technically not my debt. Sometimes, I still feel emotional about this. It has caused me a lot of introspection. Again, hindi naman mawawala ang utang. Sana next time, sana magkautang naman ako para sa sarili ko. I thank my job but I have a love-hate relationship with it. Pag nakaipon ipon na and good enough financial cushion, I want to take risk to transition to another aspect of my work. 
  
  
• I thank Korean cafes. Where will I spend my spare time if not for them? Kanto kanto meron sila dito. Unli cafes. My official tambayan. My official muni muni place. My neighborhood cafes are my first option na puntahan pero pag kinakati ang paa, lumalayo. I live alone here and those cafes are my refuge. Aaminin ko it can get lonely sometimes but a cafe can save the day. What do I do in the cafe? read, still doing some work, or simply people watching. It never gets tiring.  

•  I thank my friends. I have few friends and I feel I am losing some, maybe because of pandemic or simply Life happened.  But those who are ever present and those who keep in touch, all my love to them.  You see, I am a 'Out of Sight Out of Mind'  person. I believe in maintenance frienships, which means friends should make an effort to keep in touch otherwise it will loosen the bond.  Tatabang ang samahan. After pandemic, I will make an effort to see them in-person and to have really good getaways. For now, bardagulan and solidarity with them online is the next best thing.  

• I thank myself (lol) that I still have that 'capacity to dream' as Pope Francis said. I still feel inspired. Aminin natin when you are 40s, you are recognizing that your physicality limits you. Yet you bring the urgency of focus. You feel you know you are slowly realizing the things that make you happy and you stick with them.  It becomes clearer to you. I thank that I will be preoccupied by end of this year, consolidating my gains, got accepted in two online engaged courses (not self paced) and simply sticking to the things that I commit and enjoy the process Yes, the challenges are patience and focus, and a little bit of order and structure in my schedule.  

• I thank myself because I am still reminded that much as I like to be content, I am still empowered by ideas and visions and struggles. I still look forward to things. Aminado ako, intense pa rin ang pagiging curious ko sa mga bagay bagay at medyo ang iba non-commital ako. Pero yung priorities, andiyan at solid pa rin. It is not dissatisfaction, not contentment, but the will to be more intentional, with integrity, with service, diligence and if you fail, do it again, and if not, give up with a accepting heart. Namimisrecognize ko yung dissatisfaction ko as discontentment na hindi naman pala dapat. Ganito lang siguro ako, truth seeker by heart, activist by soul.