Fair Share

I have had fair share of rejection. It was tough and I felt it was mostly unfair. I could not complain and I could not do anything about it anymore. Looking back, there were times when you felt overwhelmed by biases of some people on you. Simply put, they just do not believe in you. Or if they do, it is a matter of interest for them. Sometimes, it makes me think, Kamusta na kaya sila? How have they been? Those who had refused to listen to me, refused to accomodate me, or simply, who did not believe in me - at varying level of degrees.

I have long forgiven them. For my peace of mind. Besides, I let Universe do it for me. It does not really matter to me anymore. Of course, sometimes, the pain still lingers. Late this week, it was triggered again. I cannot help it since part of my work is still dealing with them.  

I cannot help but think they do not treat me seriously nor a priority. I do not know if it is affirmation from my part. But here came the past reminiscent. Here came the moments when I needed to play second fiddle for them. Or here came the feeling that probably they were treating me like a joke. Many times, I did not do something about it when I was with them. I was never confrontational in the strictest sense of the word.

It was ridiculous from my part. It was privileging at least. I have basis but it has been all under my impression. It made me drained just the thought of it. I thought I had moved on from this. 

They say success is the sweetest revenge. I can only rechannel all of this into a more positive action, hoping it will insulate me from the memories of people who in more ways had bothered me. I do not need to prove anything for them. 

I feel there is no even point in trying. It is a waste of time. I just simply move on. It is inevitable for me to acquiant with them every once in a while. And it is enough. 

But I feel it takes time for me to further realize that simply this habit of recalling moments with not so good people can only be helpful to remind you to a certain limit and other than that, it should only help you grow. As I close my eyes, I can only hope that someday, I will be just humming Joey Albert's 'I Remember the Boy, But I Don't Remember The Feeling', much more with feelings.