May 20, 2016

Stay in Love

How are you? How have you been?

1. It is beginning to feel like summer here, a colleague said. Yesterday, the highest temperature went up at 30 degrees (in the city). News said the weather broke all-time record because the government issued a national emergency warning to residents not to go outdoors, if not necessary. It was a first time a warning as such is issued since 1932. I received an sms in Hangeul (Korean language) about it. And I asked my colleague what was the sms about since it might mean my apartment studio was burning! Anyhows, 30 degrees? This is way better than in Manila when it can rise to 40 degrees. I learn that the average summer weather is at 25 degrees so the 30 degrees was a bit of concen.

2. It was a bit of a downer this week. After the Bangkok visit, I felt the 'fatigue'. Physically tired at the least. I remember it was Monday night I was so tired and I could not wait to sleep and I slept for 10 hours straight! I woke up still with lights on, with my office wear. It has not been a long time since I did it. I have a recurring cold, or I do not know, maybe this is allergy. My boss got miscarriage. I could see that 'sad look' in her face. My other colleague arranged everything for us in our out-of-town official trip next week and I felt guilty I was not able to guide her well simply because I had lots of things to do. This all mixed up to a kind of stress. And to destress here for now means I had to buy something to read and I got a bit excited because I found Flow and Monocle magazines and I bought another book! If there is anything to look forward this weekend, it is weekend reading in a nice coffeeshop and just have an afternoon chillin'!

3. I took some time off in Bangkok after a two-day official conference. I did not get the chance to go around s much as I could but it's ok. Bangkok's urban design is also same with Manila, minus the temples. Same weather, same traffic and same taxi drivers who charged me double because it was traffic! Same facial features even! But I appreciate the people there. I do not know but I have a notion that most Thais do not have issues in life at parang ang taas ng inner peace levels nila. haha. Probably because they are mostly buddhist. I am wondering what it's like to have a Thai boyfriend kaya?   Despite the weather and the crowded Wat Pho temple, it was just fine. I had seen as many Buddha as I could. If only it could also mean giving me enough zen cookie points.

4. My vacation leave was sort of a retreat for me since I begun my self-imposed retreat last year. I remember I went to Malaybalay, Bukidnon at the Monastery of Transfiguration. I enjoyed it. No expectations, just me and the silence of its surroundings. This trip was different. Most of the time I stayed in the hotel, say by the pool, and just trying to wander. And not to mention the national elections! So it got me a little preoccupied. But I wrote some random notes and it was kind of reassuring.

      'It has been a while since I wrote to you and I know many things are changing since you relocated. At some point, in some time and in some moment, you still cannot believe it that you are out of country for work which is closely related to your passion. I know at some point in some time, you had imagined this doing global development work and now you are doing it! It can be quite exciting. But it can sometimes be lonely out there. I know how you feel at this point, you almost had a perfect social life back in Manila and it has been your life's buoy, saving you from work burnt out and life's frustration in general. Then suddenly - of course with your own choosing as well - you were plucked out and put you in a strange land. Funny thing is you feel sometimes this stint is just a long sabbatical leave at may babalikan ka pa sa Pilipinas in terms of career,  yung parang umalis ka lang sa work desk mo at nag-aral ka lang out of country, but in fact there is none!'

5.  It is not really the feeling of uncertainty but probably this feeling of transition that is burderning me. Feeling ko minsan I see a ship slowly losing out of sight in the horizon. I feel nakikisabay ako sa Philippine politics for now, with all this 'Change is Coming' brouhaha which is a bit overrated and overly romanticized. Change is also coming for me, pero di ba sometimes, the more we change, the more we stay the same!?

6. But Change is needed to be better. I am feeling good about this and I will not lose each opportunity. Adjustment takes time like 'finding love in a haystack' takes time! So what do I do? 'I'll Stay in love' sabi nga ni aleng Mariah Carey. Hindi ko siya maconnect actually haha pero ganoon na lang ang sagot ko muna. When I was having a coffee break in Bangkok, bigla na lang umappear si aleng Mariah as music background. I guess that's the answer for now.


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