Honeymoon's Over


Earlier this week, you received an email from your boss. She said I passed my probationary period 'with flying colors'.  Upon reading, there was pause. I closed my eyes and as if I was waiting for a whisper.  In the email, she said she looks forward for me working in the office for years. Ah ok. 'This beautiful city has been good to me. So far so good', in my reply to her email.

In my first three months in this office. Aaminin ko hindi ako masyadong excited. Yung trabaho ko to be fair, challenging pero gamay ko na. Ewan ko. Alam kong maraming bago. Siguro wala pa akong pera. Pero kahit na rin. Most of the time office-studio lang ang mga araw ko. Kaya Come What May lang ang peg muna. Walang expectations. Ganoon lang muna. Honeymoon ba ang tawag nito? Puwede. Kase ang konsept ng honeymoon, parang pakasaya ka muna. Masaya na ako sa ganoon. But after three months, I guess my Honeymoon's Over.

Ano ba ang ibig sabihin ng Honeymoon's Over?

1. Dapat siguro purposive at medyo dagdagan naman ang assertiveness sa mga bagay bagay sa paligid. Do not get me wrong. Hindi naman ako nega. Pero if you are in strange land, minsan nakakapagod din ang mag adjust. Unang una sa language. Number complain ko talaga ito. Hindi mo naman ginagamit sa trabaho. Hindi mo naman ginagamit sa pagsusulat. No pressure naman, to be fair.  But like what they say, When you're in Rome, do what the Romans do! You need to survive. Hindi ko kinakarir ang Korean class ko kahit isa lang absent ko. I attend class pero hanggang doon lang. Kahit manood ng Korean movies, parang wala ako sa mood lately. Mas gusto ko pang magenrol ulit ng Spanish. Ganoon ako ka sabaw lately. Pero sige, try ko ulit. Konting disiplina naman. Dagdagan pa ang exposure sa culture! Kung hindi madaan sa language class, daanin sa paggawa ng Korean porcelain! Mga ganoon. Let me get back to you in six month's time.

2. Medyo kailangan ko din naman yatang magpakilala ng konti. Yung Real Me (Char). (Do not get me wrong, I am not pretending, bago lang kase, bumubuwelo lang). Magpakabilat ng konti. Namiss ko ng lumandi. Parang feeling ko nagiging 'discreet' ako. Huwag naman sana! haha. Hintayin niyo lang magyaya ako sa karaoke! Kating kati na ako kumanta. At feeling ko nawawala na ang singing voice ko! Promise. Ang ibig sabihin lang naman nito is na bobore na ako dahil wala pa akong feel na feel na after office event.  Yung hindi naman mga clubbing levels. Kundi puro kainan.

3. Kailangan ko talaga ng sense of order. Promise. Nawawala yung internal discipline ko at medyo hindi ako masaya pagdatin sa aspeto na ito. What do I mean? It just means na kulang ang focus ko. Ang daming distractions. Social media, isa na yan. Yan lang ang libangan ko lang naman kase lately. Kailangan kong mag social media detox, sabi ko. Pero minsan kase after office talaga ay pagoda na ako. I told my officemate that during night time, I want to just let my mind wander, so it can recharge. But I guess there are far better ways as to how your mind can recharge.

4. Honeymoon's over kasi kailangan ko na rin atupagin ang future ko. Gusto ko naman lumevel up when it comes to my security of being. What does this mean? This job is not for long term, to be fair.  Renewable lang ang contract. But what if I do not like it here anymore. Mahirap ng umasa sa iba. Konting ipon. Konting investments. Pero huwag naman yung OA. Ayoko naman everyday iyan lang ang iisipin ko. What matters most is at the back of your mind, you have these safety nets.

5. I ask for patience. I ask for discernment. I ask for focus. Minsan exciting lang. Minsan nakakapagod din. Sabi nga ng boss ko, always act in good faith. Honeymoon's over. So, it means let's get back to werk. Yes, back to werk.

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