1. It has been a while. Well, I lost track. The past months were both hard and easy. It is hard because the work calls for it. It was easy because you can also get to strike work-life balance. With all the balancing act, I miss being stubborn. Those moments when I do not give a damn. I do not know what does this mean exactly but it is more of a resolve that I will have to take it in stride under my own terms whatever things I do. I am doing it and it is a bliss. If I happen to think I am on a race track always wanting get ahead of myself, it can be tiring. It will be counter productive. And believe me, a waste of time. I do not believe in getting ahead anyway. I believe in Growth. Why I am pondering about this, about myself in a race track, about some sort of me running in a marathon? Have I been left behind? Am I meeting deadlines? Where have I been? I am here. Just the everyday life pondering. Maybe deadlines coming from my to-do list - like this blog post, which I had promised to always update. It can be a source of both frustration and inspiration knowing you are way past deadline or you can even find out after successfully doing it, you are confronted with a 'So What?' existential inquiry as if everything is all together mundane. Yet, for some strange reason, I feel quite Zen on all of these. About letting go but not exactly. Enjoying the process. Slow but Certain. Progressive and Meaningful.
2. I believe in the Universe. I believe in the Universe telling me to stay and sail away. The Universe telling me I have never been late when everyone else is just early. I believe in its great laws and the Divine lawmaker and his Universe of Divine goodness. The second next best thing however in believing is doing. Ask and the Universe shall give it to you. If not, it will give it to you in other forms. Ask, ask, and ask and Do it. It is impossible you cannot get there. If not, the Universe will get you there before you know it. Patience and Persistence are best friends forever.
My friend Madz and I talked about how we marvel the Universe. Sometimes, it can be frustrating, I said. The Universe can be most frustrating, she added, especially when we are not most open to it. The Universe can only work in our openness to it. It does not mean that we are to be accepting as to be submitting whatever falls upon you. But to be open is to understand the limits of our learning process to be human. Create a space where the Universe can play. Give the Universe a shared role in the build up of your own life project. One can marvel the outcome or blessing. You do not owe to any Universe the kind of great indebtedness like building some religion. For whatever blessings, you may probably just need to pay it forward.
3. In the meantime, with all this Universe and taking it in stride talk, my preoccupation has been extensive. At home, like a doting big sister to our youngest sister expecting her first baby. Family coordination can be tasking but I have already outgrown it. I pray that she will safely deliver baby boy Lyme and Lyme is as healthy and normal as he can be. I am enjoying the prospect of becoming a bitch but lovable and stage Auntie. On other aspects, I am finishing my thesis. The thesis work can be frustrating and inspiring at the same time. Literally, you will be left on your own. Again, I have outgrown it. More than the thesis, my extra curriculars or whatever things in my to-do list are advancing in most ways. Like finishing off debts. Like doing a 'Procastination Diet.' Like somehow getting enough sleep. And yes, I have yet to improve my fitness, my bones have been cracking up lately.