Thursday, December 14, 2017

Thank you 2017.



Few days left of 2017. Where have all the time gone? Since I have a rather forgetful memory, I look back at my Instagram and rekindle the fondest of them all in 2017.

1. Food poison. Never thought there could be worse. I had to bring myself into the hospital at 3 am. Due to language ineptness, para tuloy akong naging hayop as they were figuring out what was wrong. Yes, language goes a long way but I never took much interest. Dami kong opportunity to learn before but I just could not feel it. Why push? So when during emergency situation, it could even be stressful and you could really become second best to being a monkey.

Lesson Learned: Don't prepare your food if you are as lousy as me. And as after effect, I make sure I check the expiration date in the label. 

2. Japan. I travelled Japan twice this year and fell in love with everything Japanese again. All the more that I need to come back and stay a little bit longer next time. I always feel the 'wanderlust' if I spend time there. The rush, the 'gentle loneliness' around, and the sophistication. But I had the challenge each time applying for a visa in Seoul. They always ask me for additional requirements. I guess if you're a foreigner applying Japanese visa in a foreign country, they take extra notice of you.

Lesson Learned: I still want to spend more time in Tokyo, Kyoto, take as many tourists train, eat good food, visit paper and notebook stores and Hobonichi shops, go up north to Sapporo, and visit as many onsens and just having zen moments. I would love it more if I get to travel with my loved ones.

3. Life in Korea. I tried touring as far as I can around Korea. But weekends can be busy with my Filipino community. Some days, I opted to catch up my reading and sleeping, just lounging around, which were all totally fine. I never ran out of things to do. Weekends could even be more tiring for me. I could not complain. I feel I have exhausted my capacity to get to know this country already, haha. Most of the time, I joined my visitor-friends when they tour around or joined my Fil com friends with their family. That is how lazy I can be, hehe.

Lesson Learned: Since I will not reside here next year, I will make the most of my stay. Like I have never really been to Busan. But it's winter and it makes me feel lazy. Anyhow, let's see. 

4. Mid Year Frustration. I thought I could be stable enough. But my every day dealing with my boss got worse. Do not get me wrong. She is nice but her work ethic is below sea level. As I saw her each day, I began to see less and less of my future in the office. It took toll on me. Let's face it in any organization, your boss is your compass. But if you know it is giving you wrong direction, you need another one. I know that if I still stay here longer, I will be losing all the opportunity back home.

By October, I told her I do not intend to renew my contract in January. Homesickness was a good excuse. I never felt good after I told her. It was a breeze from there since I had it made certain. Whatever the future brings, just believe and work on it.

Lesson Learned: I still feel frustrated for what happened not because of her and myself but because of the big work that still needs to be done. There have been talks if I can still work from home, I said it is a win-win if my boss can find a way but if none, I could not do anything about it.

2017 is Rooster year and it is supposedly my year but turned out to be counterproductive. I hope I'd get a better run in 2018. I want to spend more time with my family and catch up with my friends and break any opportunity back home. And Begin Again. Or Continue what I have started.

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

At the bend

Let me tell you one thing. How easy was it then. I would always wish it would be weekend. For me to see you. Your presence could light up the whole class. You were different, mostly quiet, strange, but I imagined all the possible things. I was happy. We could be friends. And perhaps If I could get into your world and if you would let me. We would go to as many restaurants and review its food. How nice could it be when you would open up to me deeper things about yourself and I would listen. I knew I could stare your beautiful face the whole day. Funny how one person could give you that kind of joy. I did not know how I survived it. After you went away. Our roads diverged. There was no way where I could see you. I was content with watching you in social media. And I hope my likes would resonate far more than other likes. Everyday, there was this ritual. To see you and like you. And find your posts.  I knew it could get tiring. Because you are far away and there is no way we can meet. This is perhaps the most foolish of me. How have I stayed in this kind of ritual far too long. One night, I prayed hard if God can let me see you, or let you see me. One day is short but for me it's enough to just feel the possibility to close all possible things. And we can part ways. Perhaps there will be no way other than a casual goodbye. How I will be grateful by then. Not sad. But a heart content, and ready to search to a farther road. You were a river that ran through my heart. There was not a day, how I wish I could just be simpler so I could be braver to tell you, to offer you perhaps another kind of possibility, and if rejected, it would be an easy way out. How I wish I could be your neighbor, your officemate, your colleague, your friend. There is not much but just this desire. And this desire could not let stay any longer. It was not enough so I gave up on you. 'Two drifters off to see the world, there is just so much world to see. We're after the same rainbow's end, waiting round the bend, my huckleberry friend, moon river and me' So I will wait for you at the bend then. I hope by then the heart still remembers.

Dear Me

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