And so it begins again, I am officially living alone. Got the apartment all by myself. Yesterday, my sister gave me all the 'bilins'. Kasabay niyan I will be paying all the apartment in full. Magastos din ang mag solo, ano sa akala mo!
With all her stuff gone, I have all the space. I hurried to our nearest community mall to get a nice table. I was itching to get one. Practically for the writing. I do not know, some sort of a symbolic new paandar for me. Parang new table, new you! So I bought this Malaysian dinner table. It lured me. As of this writing, it has been bliss. And so I am inspired to write on my first night with this table. Such joy I derive. Ang babaw ko, haha.
Setting the table aside, I feel like I am an inspired single New Yorker in Cainta. I can run naked in this apartment. Do some Carrie Bradshaw moments. I can have sex on this table. Or Bridget Jones with Mark Darcy on the bed just across. Endless possibilities. But not yet. I do not intend to do it in the nearest future.
It has been awhile since I live all by myself. When my father passed away, I promised that I would accompany my sisters here in this big city until they have their own married lives. Last year, it was our youngest. Last month, our third sister went to our hometown and join her longtime boyfriend.
And me? I look forward to living solo in this apartment. I have been wired to do this. Ever since college, I have lived in this kind of set up. A close friend consulted how it is to be living like this? I always say there are both good and hard side. Good in a sense that it is priceless returning to the apartment all by yourself with all the calmness in the surroundings. You get to reflect. You get to listen to your own music. You get to have the Zen feel. You recharge, get to focus, without immediate noise. I must admit at my age, it may take time to adjust to an idea of living with someone in an apartment. I have been selfish on this category for most of my life. My only consideration is my siblings or a friend in need to stay for few sleepovers. Emphasis on the few. haha.
There is also the bad side of living alone. Say for example, there are inevitable household chores (replacing bulbs, buying freaking Gasul!) that require more than your body weight. You need helping hand. When you get bored, you really are bored. You get to be lonely. Yes. When you are living solo, loneliness can be in your face. But I realise there is this thin line that separates loneliness and just being in a quiet place. And yes, I get to mix loneliness with 'just being in a quiet place' most of the time. I do not really want to privilege all this distinction.
I am giving myself a year only in this place and I will hop to another place, smaller but hopefully with the same vibe. The only thing that I need to do now is enjoy and make the most out of this table!
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