Hold on (A Repost)
I remember when I was writing my undergrad thesis, It was a career. I exerted a lot of effort for it. And since it was about community journalism and development communications, I went as far as University of the Philippines Los Banos to do some library work where some of the early studies began. Also, I went to great strides in interviewing community newspaper publishers in Naga City. Kulang na lang naka feather boas ako habang ginagawa ko yun. I enjoyed it thoroughly. I felt I was contributing something. And for the bonus part, I got a perfect score for my thesis grade.
And then I found Gelia Castillo in the course of my readings. I learned that Gelia Castillo was the grand dame of Philippine sociology. I suddenly felt connected to her. I did not know why. I began to search her biography and her credentials. All I could think was I wanted to be like her. How first impression sometimes last. I began to contemplate that my greatest dream is to become a social scientist, a sociologist! to be like her! Walang awat! And I asked Divine to help me become one.
I still hold on that dream. I may be in a divergent track (because she is engaged in development work anyway) but whenever I lose steam or doubt in my career, sometimes, subconsciously she just appears to my mind, like now. I begin to feel a sense of awe. Not foolish, not disillusionment, but the sense of wander. We all need that Wanderlust.
It was effervescence. I was simply a student but very much inspired that I was contemplating as a hardcore researcher after graduation.
Time passed and I had a chance to meet her during a conference. But I did not get to talk to her. I was this shy boy who just looked at her, mesmerized by her. She talked about the need to publish scientific papers. She was being assisted because she was also old already. She was very humble. I just kept listening to her. I am that type of person who does not want to know my idols personally or to engage them too much because it may destroy some sort of mysticism. Every once in a while, I just go to Youtube or any website and read whatever is there about her.I believe the Divine has laid down every path imaginable for me to be like her. I engage in development work and with local communities and I am positioned to be in something of influence and to make a change, small change at a time. I feel guilty because I sometimes waste this opportunity. And whenever I recall these moments, I cannot ask for much. Because everything is settled. What I asked Divine gave me. I am but humbled. There is always a new found purpose. All I need is to grow.