1. Wala tayong maaasahan kundi sarili natin. So I better take care of myself and I take care of myself more. Pero hindi ito sapat na dahilan para hindi maging humble. Humingi ng tulong kung kinakailangan. 'Ask and you shall receive'. Busy na ang mga tao at hindi nila nababasa ang saloobin ko kaya sabihin natin. 'Ask and you shall receive' at kung mareject, then move on and huwag magtanim ng hinanakit. Diyan nadodown ang halos lahat ng tao, ang mag expect. At iyan di ang ugali ko minsan, nageexpect ako sa mga tao - to somehow 'take care of me'.
Napaka ironic minsan. I have been living independently for all of my life yet I still find myself of wanting to take care of myself more. It is almost like an unending project. Totoo naman kase. The self is a lifetime project. Self-care is such a big word. The most important thing for now for me are 'the life tools and skills at my disposal' and the 'discipline' to live through it. Hindi naman nagkulang magpayo ang mundo sa atin kung ano ang puwede nating gawin to take care of ourselves. Most of the time, it is just the managing part of it and the resolve to make it happen.
2. Life Honeymooning is Over. Life Reset Now. For almost most parts of my young adult life (23-44), go with the flow lang ako despite being vulnerable din. Parang mauubusan lagi ng pera. Parang ang dami nating patutunayan sa life, sa madlang people. Pero parang ang daming shortcomings? How did I arrive to this perspective na most of the time I subscribe? It is really childhood/ early adult trauma. Isama mo na ang mga hindi natin nakumpletong life projects. Puro na lang tayo trabaho. I feel like I am trapped in this cycle. I do not feel the 'life growth' anymore. Ang tagal na nating ganito ang estado. Marami akong sinisisi. Like Covid. Like family. Like failed friendships. Like failing career. Like myself. Last year was a revelation. Dami nating detox sa therapy. And I am proud of it. And I am coming to terms.
3. Treat your life as a project and plan it out otherwise others will plan and do it for you and you will definitely not like it. I am not starting from scratch. Excited ako sa mga plano natin this year. Naka excel sheet naman na. Nasulat na, nakapost it pa. I am investing in my alternative career / passion project. Long term din ang pagtingin. I am casting a wide net. I can be ambitious and smart about it. I have faith. 'In God's own good time,' 'In his own good time'. For now, I am singing Barbra Streisand's Don't Rain on My Parade.
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