Apr 8, 2017


Dear You,

'The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are' - Carl Jung

I chanced upon this in a random post. Yung feeling na para akong napalingon bigla sa random quote na ito. Then I began to think how does it relate to me?

Lately, I have been thinking on some things, some feelings, some circumstances, some lost measure, some lost causes. Some things I may have lost somewhere down this road called Life. Some feelings that I could not take back anymore. Probably the zest, the mojo, the groove. Perhaps, the authenticity of my purpose. I try to believe that what I have is more than enough. I cannot ever be more grateful. I cannot ask for more. But sometimes, it is inevitable. You try to ask for more. And sometimes you do not know what.

I can blame it on my childhood and formative years, perhaps. I am a believer in sad/happy childhood theory. The early struggle that I was exposed with. I knew I was different and I felt I always needed to prove something. That constant motion of wanting to be somewhere, to be someone - from one affirmation to the next. That always wanting to be more than what is suitable.

Then back to reality. You try to count your blessings. You negotiate. It is not that bad as it seems. A little habit of positive disposition can help. You begin to have this confidence anew.

But when will this cycle ever end. Or I can be resigned to this usual scheme of things. Many told me it is a matter of perspective. Many told me to just do what you love to do - and be confident that everything will follow. Many told me to take a step at a time. I believe all the solutions are there. Ang bilis lang kase sabihin to be fair.

Perhaps what I seek is a sign of reassurance. From whom, from the universe? Maybe the spring time is reassuring me. That whatever happens, there is a season for just about everything, for renewal, despair. And it is time for a promise, for a reassurance that I can begin again, a quick reboot.

Someone said more than passion, it is the purpose that sets you in motion. Passion is useless if you do not have the discipline, practice and if it is not directed at some life mission, or purpose. I am slowly losing grip in all of these. But I cannot give this away. And springtime tells me to get a good hold before it is too late.

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