I still dream of myself in a room with a big window with a nice view of trees and greens with the sound of chirping birds (char!) and me, writing and learning the ways of the world. I dreamt of becoming a scientist in my own little way, in my own little corner in that place.
So what do I do? In times when you get mature, and you think about your first loves and have not really gotten much of it, you begin thinking maybe it is worth to have the second try.