East View from Pasig City Hall. Copyright Photo. 2013

Limitation. We all have it. We need to recognise our limitation in order to know ourselves more. Say, up to what extent is forgivable? Up to what limit is your patience? Unfortunately or fortunately,  limitation is anchored on experience. We cannot say we are limited on such until we experience the kind of test to our beliefs, to our system, to our values, to our character. We know the limits of our values only when they are under circumstances. It is derived from some text book. I learned a certain kind of limitation today. It is a humbling experience. I went home pondering what if my circumstances would be simpler. I have to let it go because this was way below my expectations. I felt frustrated at first because I thought it was the answer. But the bigger picture tells me I have become the bigger picture now. Timing was not ripe. I was hoping for some middle ground. But you see, there will always be reasons after reasons. And funny thing is I stopped thinking. Because I recognize the essense of being limited. Being Constraint. Then Mariah Carey saved a song for me, 'As I closed my eyes, steadied my feet on the ground, raised through the sky and though times rolled by, still I feel like a child as I look at the moon. Maybe I grew up a little too soon.' A day is enough and an entry on this blog can suffice. And back to the regular programming still. Tomorrow is another day.
Hello there. I have not written any for these past months. Work and 'others' have piled up lately. When I say 'others' - these maybe academic stuff, catchup with friends, familial obligations - they have been tucked into a bundle of demands lately. But no regrets. Though sometimes I get too physically tired but they are all worth it. All I pray for is unyielding energy and inspiration to keep me going.

The reason why I write to you is of course, I have to pay debts to you - I need to write. I need to fill you up. Probably the best way is to enumerate it to you. A run down of My Munis Munis of the day.

1. Super typhoon Yolanda swept us off our feet. There is a national massive relief operation especially in Tacloban, the city that was hit the hardest. Depressing news are filling up the pages every day. Everybody is helping in their own meaningful ways. Bayanihan spirit is very alive. But Everybody is also saying just about anything. About the way government operates its state relief, about the reported looting and rape, about Anderson and Korina Sanchez. This is but democracy at work, if there is something very basic about this. But I hope these do not hamper the relief to get to where it needs the most.

2.  So, a new semester has arrived. And I enrolled in the class of my current thesis adviser. Double purpose that is, to get me reminded that every once a week I need to work on my thesis. Again, I am feeling a whole new pressure. There seems to be an unending way of dealing with this. I mean, I do not know where is the finish line?! Here we go again. The jitters. The things that sometime shaken one's faith. Interestingly, one of the highlights of the first meeting is about time management as some students express the seemingly big demand of the course. Our professor has rendered a lot of insights on this matter, about having the need to divide time, to be accountable, to enjoy the moment, to be respectful of other's time as well. She has somehow let us feel that all we need is commitment and everything will follow.

3. Which leads me to time management. Until now, I still juggle with that idea. The funny thing is I cannot work under a sort of structure. It constrains me. Every time I start feeling like 'scheduling' my life, I feel like I am breaking down as soon as I decide to. Of course, I keep a general schedule but I cannot imagine myself acting like a factory worker whose time is very calculated, regulated. Time is social construction anyway. But ultimately, in the end, there has always been that struggle to balance. So far, it is working for me.

4.  'Yolanda' came into my life a night before the actual typhoon wrecked Leyte-Samar area. Yolanda, the new acquired laptop, has been quite serving me well. There is a new promise. A new inspiration, if that can suffice enough. And a new sense of accountability to 'use' it until the last drop. You see, I get excited on the idea na niluluma mo ang gamit. Like a crumpled notebook, or a torn wallet, or a pair of shoe. I feel accomplished if I get to witness my things get old. That means I have been using it and it is serving its purpose. The sentimental value can be quite high. Yolanda, journey with me please. We are going to sparkle the whole town.

5. Journey. I take chances. The reason why I bought Yolanda was I took a chance. I hope to succeed. I am ready to be interrupted. But sometimes, this feeling of need can become so overwhelming. Soothing music may not help. But Writing about it contains the outpouring. Rekindling writing to contain the writing. It seems the other way around. Maybe. But writing is afraid is the only thing I know.